Negotiation Stress

I was talking to a friend recently that is leaving their job for a new one. The hunt for her replacement is ongoing and in a surprisingly logical move the company asked her to describe some traits that would help them find a successful candidate. One of her suggestions that stuck out in my mind was to ask how the candidate deals with stress and to have them cite some specific examples. In her particular field there is a definite busy season requiring long hours and great attention to detail which all adds up to some serious stress. The first candidate they talked to said that they never really have to deal with stress and that in the event that they were stressed out they would most likely try an ignore the problem.  Needless to say, they weren't exactly impressed with that answer.

Similarly, negotiations can often be stressful and having a grasp on what areas drive stress as well as strategies for coping with stress are necessary skills for negotiators. Negotiation has its share of conflict scenarios. Generally speaking you are trying to get the most you can from someone else while giving up the least to get it (a VERY generic definition). These kinds of interpersonal conflicts can be one source of stress. 

Another area of stress is "the unknown." It's really never the things you already know that cause you problems in negotiation. The more information you can gather about an upcoming negotiation, the better you'll be able to cope. If you know what to expect from your counterpart and can nail down a workable schedule in advance, this can go a long way to easing the tension (or at least give you a light at the end of the tunnel). In my experience, a lot of this type of stress is anticipatory in nature. That is, once you jump in and learn what you couldn't know beforehand, things tend to look up.

For some interesting reading on the effects of anticipatory stress on negotiators, check out Kathleen O'Connor & Josh Arnold's SSRN article Fear & Loathing in Negotiation: How Anticipatory Stress Affects Bargainers

Coping with stress is different for everyone and some are much better at it than others. My advice comes down to my experience and generally speaking my coping strategies boil down to three primary outlets: Exercise, Discussion and Brainstorming. 

Exercise: I find that the endorphins from at least 20 minutes of physical exertion don't hurt anything (except maybe my atrophied muscles) when things are not going according to plan. At the very least, you can turn some of that pent up negative energy to good use. This may not be an option for everyone - the key is to find a way to channel pent up negative energy towards a positive, reinforcing activity.

Discussion: Sometimes just talking out the problem helps you get some perspective. I try to stay away from solutions at first since the primary focus for me is exploration. Why did this upset me? Is it the message or the delivery? Are there other outside stressors contributing to the situation? Stepping back from the situation has often allowed me to consider options that never occurred to me in the heat of the moment. 

Brainstorming: Once you've identified problem areas and taken some time to burn off some of that excess energy, it's helpful to start taking concrete steps to solve your dilemma. Brainstorming is a great first step. This doesn't have to be a formalized process (most of my best ideas come while relaxing in a hot shower), but the key is to let your brain tackle the problem without constraints. Not every solution will be feasible, but the whole point of brainstorming is to attack a problem with creative ideas. 

For some further suggestions and reading, check out MindTools Stress Management Techniques page. Lots of great ideas!