Tapping The Power of Relationships Through Negotiation

I imagine that you all have heard and read - to the point of cliché - that we all negotiate, to a greater or lesser degree, each day. What may fall by the wayside is the importance of relationships and the ways in which we leverage those relationships in our every day negotiations.

Thinking back to when I was a lot younger and a bit less responsible with my choices, my parents often leveraged our relationship to help me "see" that what I wanted to do and what I should do were two different things. While I don't recommend guilt-tripping your vendors or telling them that "you aren't upset, just disappointed" there are plenty of ways to leverage your relationships within the context of negotiation.

We are all going to have varying viewpoints with respect to what constitutes a "good" relationship with our negotiation counterparts.  In their book Getting Together - Building Relationships As We Negotiate, Roger Fisher & Scott Brown suggest that a good working relationship is one that can deal well with differences. We don't have to see eye-to-eye on every issue that crops up between us. In fact, if we did, there would be little need to negotiate in the first place. The important facet of the relationship is that we can work together to come up with creative solutions without wanting to gouge out the other person's eyes. Avoid sweeping disagreements under the rug, but at the same time be willing to use trade-offs to balance your competing substantive interests.

When someone says that they are "leveraging a relationship" this often has a negative connotation - something like a nice way of saying "I'm going to use them to achieve my ends." However, you can leverage relationships without damaging them.  Try some of these ideas from the Getting Together book:

1. Be unconditionally constructive.  If your negotiation counterpart sees that you are consistently seeking to build rather than tear down, they will be encouraged in their efforts to help reach mutually beneficial solutions to do the same.
2. Be wholly trustworthy, but not wholly trusting. Follow through is probably the most important way to establish and maintain a good working relationship. If you don't do what you say you will do, the other side looses incentive to perform. 
3. Persuasion, Not Coercion. It is easy to feel hijacked when one side begins making demands on you in a "my way or the highway" manner. Seek to bring your counterpart around to your point of view rather than cramming it down their throats.

By utilizing these tips you will be able to maximize the value of your good working relationship!