Handling Awkward and Embarrassing Situations with Humor

Here's a great story from our very own Kendra Richgels, who knows how to think on her feet given even the most unexpected surprises...enjoy!

It was mid-afternoon on the second day of an extremely difficult negotiation involving 20+ individuals.  Tensions were high and the mood was serious.

Suddenly, I received a note from my female negotiation partner.  “Do you have a sewing kit and do you know how to sew?”  I looked over and one of the buttons on her carefully selected new coat dress had fallen off from a key section of the dress.  Turns out the buttons were metal buttons and were slicing through the threads holding the buttons in place.

We had precious few hours left to complete the deal and were moving into a critical part of the day with a small group selected to complete the legal terms.  We had found the attorneys from the other party oblivious to our charm and were finding it tough to crack their serious and difficult nature.  Due to the timeframe, location and logistics, leaving for a wardrobe change was not an option.  We devised a workaround for this button without calling attention to the issue.  An hour or so later, a second button popped off.  No longer able to contain her laughter at the absurdity of the situation, my colleague burst into laughter, announcing to the tension filled room that she must apologize, but her dress was exploding. 

We all know that appearance in a negotiation is critical.  The right clothing goes a long way to setting the tone for the negotiation.  However, wardrobe malfunctions happen to everyone.  The exploding dress continued to lose buttons throughout the remainder of the long evening, a situation we handled with laughter and seeking assistance with the other part’s team to laughingly find alternative button holding solutions.  The humor of the situation connected the parties and continued to act as the spigot to release the tension built in a room.  The way we handled the situation exemplified exactly what we were looking to do in the negotiation - to improvise practically and creatively in the scene at hand.

The “Exploding Dress” story exemplifies how an absurd situation handled correctly can be turned into a positive outcome with the use of humor.  Often, the ability to use humor as a connector between the parties presents itself unexpectedly.  Having a responsive sense of humor in contentious settings weaves together laughing matters and deeply serious ones. 

You Want Me To Meet WHERE?

Last week, we talked about preparing for your negotiation. More and more we're seeing negotiations occurring over the phone or Skype or via some other technological gateway. However, when your plans include a face to face meeting you might want to take some time to consider where you want to meet to conduct your negotiations and what effects could come about as a result of this choice.

One of the truths that we believe strongly in here at the WieseLaw Contract Studio is that its never too early to start thinking about leverage (check out our Leverage Canvas). WHERE you decide to hold contract negotiations can play into the idea of leverage. If you are able to set the terms of where and when you will be meeting for the negotiation, this can signal perceived or actual leverage to the other party.

Home Turf - This sounds great, right? Make them come to you. You're already familiar with the surroundings and won't suffer from any disorientation factor. While this may be true, there are some possible downsides. You may be subject to distractions from those within your organization (i.e., you are on-site and can be hunted down even with your cellphone off). Also, there is always the possibility that your comfort could turn into a false sense of security or complacency. Be sure to stay alert!

Away Game - This can be a bit more difficult. You need to be prepared beforehand with directions to the negotiation site (Google Maps for the win!). Try to arrive early so you are not feeling stressed and time compressed. But being the visiting team can provide some valuable information. Just by being in their offices, you'll inevitably pick up some nonverbal cues about the organization (e.g., are they neat and organized, is their office furniture pricey and ostentatious, do people have pictures of their families/friends in their offices/cubes or are they sterile?).

Neutral Site - Due to the added cost and travel time to both parties, going to a neutral site, while offering some kind of level playing field, is often passed over as a possible choice. Depending on the parties involved and the availability/cost associated with the neutral site, this may be your best alternative. This is especially true if you are stuck in a stalemate with respect to meeting places. Keep it in your back pocket as an alternative.

Next Week - Fun with Seesaws or in other words: Leverage!

Identifying Ownership - It's Trickier Than You Think

Many times, when two parties approach a deal they tend to think of their contribution and ownership of the overall project like this:

The problem is that most of the time there is going to be a significant amount of overlap. In those three circles. Your deals need to be able to not only identify the areas of collaborative ownership that exist within a given deal, but it should also accurately reflect the parties' understanding with respect to these overlaps.

Here's a tool to help you think through the ownership issues that you might be facing in your next deal:

Read The Contract

I know, I know, kind of a 'no duh' piece of advice, but think about it.  When was the last time you actually read through, word-by-word, your contract? Let me guess what you're thinking: "Isn't that what I hired my attorney to do?"  Sure, but all too often, something that seems clear to one person can be lost in translation to the four corners of a contract. This can easily happen with some of the more technical or "legalese"-laden sections of the contract.

In order to avoid costly mistakes that can come about as the result of these communication failures, Professor Guhan Subramanian of Harvard Law School suggests a three-part strategy (abstracted from Before you sign on the dotted line... Negotiation Volume 12, Number 5, May 2009):

1. Discuss the deal landscape with your attorney.  Why are you doing this deal? What do you hope to gain? What are your expectations with regards to the other party? What are some of the risks you and the other party will be facing? What do we do if things don't work out as planned? If your attorney can see the deal landscape as you see it, this will go a long ways to having the deal drafted accurately.
   
2.  Take time to read the contract and encourage the other party to do so as well.  Yeah, it may be a long and tedious, but if either side comes up with sections that are ambiguous or unclear, taking time to find those ambiguities and having them clarified before a problem arises can be very important. Turn to your attorneys if you need help getting clarity.
3. Have your attorney read the "legalese" back to you in plain English (or Spanish, or Bulgarian...etc.). This will help both of you get on the same page with some of the more difficult language of any deal.
   

Emotional Intelligence - Beyond The Buzzwords

While I'm definitely not one to walk into a meeting and tell people we have to synergize, think outside the box and repurpose our goals to make them actionable, I do think there is something to the oft used and abused term Emotional Intelligence.

So, what is Emotional Intelligence? Sure, there's a long, drawn out scientific explanation as to why and how our emotions developed and clearly raw, unadulterated intelligence can take a person pretty far in this life. Still neither of these, standing alone explains why some extremely intelligent people fail while those with a perceptibly lower level of intelligence seem to get a lot of traction. Emotional Intelligence, according to author Daniel Goleman is an amalgamation of five areas: (1) Self-Awareness: Ongoing attention to your internal states, including your emotions; (2) Managing Emotions: Don't ignore or try to eliminate emotions, analyze and incorporate them; (3) Self-Motivation: The ability to restrain emotions, delay impulses, and to defer gratification are critical life skills and the key to a host of endeavors; (4) Empathy: The more self-aware you become, the more skilled you will become at reading other people's feelings; and (5) Handling Relationships: The ability to accurately express feelings and sense the emotions of others is key to maintianing healthy relationships. IQ and Emotional Intelligence are not opposing competencies, but they do work separately. A person can be intellectually brilliant but emotionally inept, an imbalance that can cause many life problems.

How can you build your emotional intelligence? Authors Travis Bradberry & Jean Greaves offer some suggestions in their book, the Emotional Intelligence Quick Book:

1. Repetition is the key to permanent change. If you practice emotional intelligence skills regularly they will get easier over time.
2. Don't bite off more than you can chew. Spend time improving one particular skill area rather than taking a shotgun approach and losing interest when the task seems overwhelming.
3. Lean into your fear. Most people have a hard time realizing the cold, ugly truths about their own weaknesses. If you come face to face with your shortcomings, you can find ways to deal with them rather than ignoring them altogether.

This is just the tip of the iceberg, but a great starting point for gaining control over your emotions and dealing with the emotions of others in your personal and professional life.

Under Pressure

In these troubling economic times...

Yeah, how many times have we heard this sentence lately? Probably more than we'd like. As a relatively young person, this is the major economic crisis that I've ever had to deal with head-on and much like everyone else out there, I'm a little freaked out. In fact, today (April 9), the New York Times ran an article about the effects that people are feeling. For the most part, people seem to be doing a great job coping with things - you only hear of the aberrations on the nightly news, because, well, they're aberrations.

In perhaps the strangest pairing of ideas ever, I present Michael J. Fox. From Family Ties to Back To The Future, he was a big part of my entertainment growing up. Since being diagnosed with Parkinson's (at 29!) he's become more than just an advocate for those suffering from Parkinson's - he's become an optimist. Recently, MJF discussed his diagnosis and his research into writing a book about optimism.

So, what's the takeaway? For me, it's simply this: The glass always has some water in it, even if it's not exactly half-full anymore. It's really easy to focus on what we don't have or to let our anxiety run wild. Next time I feel that vice-like pressure in my chest when I see the Dow down another 150 points, I'm committed to seeing what's left in my glass.

What Ever Happened To Civility?

I am consistently underwhelmed with the caustic and often-times disturbing conversations that go on in online forums and commentary. I have always believed that you show your true colors when you can't be held accountable for what you are doing. Unfortunately, too many people take advantage of the anonymity offered by the internet to be petty, small-minded, bigoted, etc. The old proverb often comes to mind: Destroying things is easier than building them.

Some time ago, Tom gave each of us in the Studio a great book - Return To Civility: A Speed of Laughter Project, by John Sweeney & The Brave New Workshop.
The book has 365 suggestions for ways to improve your life and the lives of others by taking small and simple steps. The back of the book has a bit of great advice: "Act the way you want the world to be."

Playing Is Serious Business!

Just finished reading a very interesting article the Tom turned me on to: The Serious Need For Play by Melinda Wenner, published in Scientific American Mind. The article is full of studies about the importance of play in childhood development and well-being. In essence, Play is an integral component relating to three central themes: (1) Playing relieves stress; (2) Playing helps to build social skills; and (3) Playing may actually make you smarter (or at least more creative in your problem-solving skills).

As an adult, have we missed the boat when it comes to play? Wenner states that although researchers usually focus on the effects of play on the developing brain, it is important for adults to play too! So how do we get more play into our lives? Stuart Brown, psychiatrist and founder of the National Institute for Play has a few suggestions:

1. Body Play: Participate in some form of active movement that has no time pressures or expected outcome (hint: if you are exercising just to burn fat, that is not play!).
   
2. Object Play: Use your hands to create something you enjoy (it can be anything; again there doesn't have to be a specific goal).
3. Social Play: Join other people in seemingly purposeless social activities, from small talk to verbal jousting.

It might seem elementary, but if you are still struggling to figure out how to bring more play into your life, think back to what you enjoyed as a kid. According to Brown: "Find your childhood play's 'true north' and try to translate those memoreis into activities that fit the current circumstances."

Good luck and remember to schedule a little play time for yourself today!

Negotiation Baby Steps

Wouldn't it be great if each negotiation we had to face came with its own set of instructions? Unfortunately, almost every negotiation is different and some are far more complex than others, but there are some basic skills everyone can learn.

Think about how you prepare for a negotiation. Most likely, you take time to do some research on the topic and, if this is a person you've dealt with before, you may review any history you have with them. This is a great start for preparing yourself for a negotiation. Obviously, when you call the cable company to negotiate a lower rate because you are "thinking" of switching to satellite, your preparation may differ from an important salary negotiation. However, the following 3 ideas will provide you with some guidance in most situations.

1. Know Thyself: Are you a morning person, or a night owl? Are you a good listener or do you prefer to control the pace of a conversation? What are some of your strengths when dealing with others? Weaknesses? Are you likely to give up on the first "No" or would you be willing to ask more questions in order to understand why the other sides is saying No?

2. Know Your BATNA: Your BATNA is your Best Alternative To a Negotiated Agreement. Do you know at what point you are better off not doing a deal at all rather than doing a bad deal? That is, what is your break-even point? If you reach a point where your BATNA is more attractive than the deal being offered, you can walk away knowing you've made the right decision as long as you know your BATNA going into the negotiation.

3. Know What You Want: Know your destination. If you don't know where you are going you have at least two problems. First, you won't know how to get there. Second, how will you know when you've arrived?

By keeping these three points in mind while preparing for your next negotiation, you'll have a much clearer picture of how the negotiation will unfold, your own purpose and vision along with a break-even point and, most importantly, a destination.

First Day of Spring - Less Than A Month Away!

Encouraging thoughts - we all need them. Tom related a little life lesson that I have often repeated since he told it to me. E + R = O. That is, Experience + our Reaction to those experiences equals our Outcome. We often don't have a lot of control over our Experiences, but our Reactions are something we have direct control over.

Along those same lines, we had a great motivational speaker - Boaz Rauchwerger - come and speak to us in the Studio. I will be the first to admit that I often find motivational speakers to be a bit cheesy and I don't often take much from their message, but Boaz was different. He is the definition of an optimist and his attitude is infectious, you know, in a good way. He left us with his "31-day charge" which has a short story along with a motivational Attitude Affirmation for each day of the month. I find myself often repeating my favorites. We made up signs after Boaz's presentation with a variation on the famous Notre Dame sign tapped by the football players on their way to the field. Our sign reads: Ever Day, I Play Like A Champion!

I've found that applying Boaz's advice in my everyday life has helped me make the impact of the E a little less and strenghtened my R and that has led to better O. (e + R = O!)

Back Country Checklist @ Grand Targhee Wyoming 2009

I was skiing in the back country last week. And I came across this sign:



I read Back Country Checklist carefully and could not help but see this checklist's application to life. When I read the sign I interpreted the questions to mean:

1. Do you have the required knowledge or training to do what you want?

2. Do you know where you’re going?

3. Do you understand your current situation?

4. Have you sought help from those that are informed?

5. Do you have the right tools to succeed?

6. Are you prepared for what lies ahead?

7. Are you willing to take 100% responsibility for your life?

Going forward, I will use this checklist on and off the mountain.

Learning About Contracts

Whew! Life in the Studio has been busy! Tom just got back from a little ski vacation in Alta, WY and a subsequent client meeting in NYC where they had a lot of great discussion around social media. Kendra has been out landing whale clients and dealing with sick kids, I'm not sure when she sleeps - she's amazing! Stephanie is the glue holding us all together as always, now I just have to trick her into coming back to the gym with me.

So, enough with the firm update. My focus for 2009 is going to be learning how to do deals and understanding the subtle ins and outs that separate good deals from great deals. Well, that's great, but how do you get started? One of the first things I learned was to use a methodology. Use the same approach to analyzing deals each time, so that you aren't reinventing the wheel over and over again. From our website, you can download our approach to contract analysis, here.

Second, and equally important is using a visual representation of complex deals that highlight important deal points. This makes it so much easier to come back to a deal, months later, and pick out the key pieces of information that you might need to know (e.g., payment, indemnification, termination, etc.). We use software called Mindmap Pro. It's very easy to use and allows for a wide range of customizable options. You can check out a free trial, here.

2009 – It’s Going To Be A Great, Tough Year

The media is putting a death wrapper on everything. What the media is not reporting, however, is the incredible duality of the situation. Yes, it’s bad out there, but it’s also fantastic – the world now abounds with unparalleled opportunities. This is an exciting time. We have many constraints: money is tight, time is scarce, attitudes are negative, fear is running high. Yet these “constraints” can actually be turned on their heads and leveraged into fostering wonderful creativity.

Think World War II, think Manhattan Project, think Apollo programs. All of these periods in history were characterized by massive constraints, yet amazing things were accomplished. The constraints were turned on their heads to unleash a torrent of creativity. In fact, our opportunities are even greater still -- because everything is on the table, there are no more sacred cows. When constraints rise to this level, everything must be reexamined, which actually spells the ultimate creative freedom.

Unconstrained Constraints = Ultimate Creative Freedom

During this period of time great things will be done and accomplished by those who lean into this situation and provide value. Lets get busy. . . It’s show time.